Bloody Anne Rackham
Every pirate lives for something different. For some, it's the open sea. For others (the masochists), it's the food. For you, it's definitely the fighting. You have the good fortune of having a good name, since Rackham (pronounced RACKem, not rack-ham) is one of the coolest sounding surnames for a pirate. Arr!
A bartender looks up from the bar and sees a pirate with a peg leg, a hook hand, and patch over one eye.Startled, the bartender asks "What happened?!""Just a month ago your body was relatively whole, now...
"The pirate responded:"Aye, 3 weks agor a conn'n ball took me leg. Now juss this peg to use."
"Thin 2 weks ago I gave up my h'nd in a sword duel."
"Thin 13 days agre a cursed bird shat in me eye."
The bartender, perplexed, said, "But you have a patch over it; certainly a little guano would not cost you an eye."
With a chagrin grin the pirate told him, "Well, it were my first day wit der hook..."